I wanted to touch base on a topic related to Self-Love that’s been on my mind a lot lately.
There’s a reason this topic has been on my mind. It’s something I’ve been helping a lot of clients and friends through lately. If I’m being perfectly honest, I’ve been dealing with it myself as well. There’s something in the air, it seems.
Trauma is different for different people- it’s not always abuse. Trauma is any moment in which you were hurt on a soul-deep level, and it altered you. It’s usually repeating instances. For a lot of people, including a lot of close, personal friends- trauma meant childhood abuse. Too many of us keep ahold of our trauma like poker chips. We stack it and think it’s a sign of something meaningful when we see a tall pile. We survived. We’re strong. We know things now.
What trauma does, especially repeat trauma, is take us away from ourselves. It makes us scared and hesitant. Trauma teaches us to be hyper-aware and teaches us to take on being responsible for other people. For most people- trauma was caused by adults that wanted us to fit into their expectations instead of letting us be the magical person we were born to be.
How many of you, as kids, were naturally buoyant and exuberant? Loud? Naturally calm in an extroverted family? Were you more than content to take twenty minutes getting ready, because you were having fun and didn’t know how tight the time in a day was to those around you?
Were there moments in your life when you started to realize that being you caused problems? When did you start taking on others’ emotions? When did you start thinking it was your responsibility to manage what everyone else was doing and feeling?
It’s okay if you don’t know. Most of us don’t, we just know it started somewhere. Somewhere, we fractured and started to put ourselves into a smaller box. And a smaller box. Until we tried to fit ourselves into a box big enough to hold a penny.
That’s what this blog is about. Self-love and self-care is a difficult concept for people suffering the effects of trauma, because we truly started to believe that we were a problem and we didn’t deserve to be us, to care for ourselves. Too many of us truly believe we aren’t good enough for ourselves, let alone for other people. We try, and try, and try- to do more, to be more.
Here’s the thing.
There will always be people that you’ll never be enough for. No matter what you do, or who you are, there will always be people that you’ll never be enough for.
That’s not for you to own.
Read that again.
It is not your job to be everything to everyone. It is not your life’s purpose to be enough for others. You are not here to manage other people’s emotions and reactions. You are here to manage your own. To learn and grow, and change beautifully. Like a cute, chunky caterpillar that becomes a butterfly.
Each person should take personal responsibility, and be themselves. Most don’t, and it’s why trauma carries from generation to generation. Unhealthy people can only see so far through their junk. If they can barely see themselves, how can they see and honor you?
Seriously. Think about that.
You don’t need other people to see you, to validate you.
You need to see you. You need to validate you. Decide that you’re choosing self-love over serving other people’s needs and desires. Let them worry about themselves.
This is self-love. Learn to love yourself. To honor yourself. To be the bright spirit you were meant to be. You owe it to yourself.
Choose you. Love all the parts of you. Focus on what will make you feel whole, happy, and content.
You deserve to love you.